Listening turns out to be the most important skill that I continue to attempt to master. Hearing what someone has to say, especially when they are seeking advice to solve a problem, is always a challenge. It’s not just listening to the words and holding off formulating suggestions before the story is complete or even asking the right follow up questions to understand the situation completely, but also ‘hearing between the lines’ to get to the emotional root of someone’s questions.

Sailing at Sunset in Maui
I find there are nearly always 2 parts to many requests for help. The first is the tangible part of the question. Often this has to do with an interaction with another team or team member – a request to help solve a problem that is impacting being able to do a good job. Those can be complex and difficult by themselves. The second is an underlying plea for a more personal or emotional discourse. I don’t profess to be an expert in human nature and certainly not a psychiatrist by a long stretch, but I have grown to understand some of the basic needs we human animals tend to want fulfilled. I work hard to hear these subtle undercurrents as we work together to solve business problems. More often than not I find people want to feel significant in a team or social situation. When that significance is marginalized we feel a loss that often negatively impacts the way we interact with others. Many of the business problems we solve come along with a deeper solution to a personal need. Sometimes I can offer that directly by listening and showing understanding and empathy. Better yet, if we can find a way to make the business solution also a personal solution, then we have a more lasting ‘win – win’ situation. This often involves getting people to understand each other better. Sometimes a simple discussion to hear multiple viewpoints and offering a possible consensus is all that is needed to bridge a gap. Back this up with some ongoing reminders to everyone, that each person in our business (or personal) sphere has a valuable contribution to make.
Listening well to get to the tangible and intangible is always the first step to deeper, more meaningful conclusions to conflicts in our lives. As much as we might want to keep emotions out of the business discourse, feeling better about yourself and those you interact with every day is paramount to good business and satisfying lives.